


Not always a Sourwolf

by klaineQmuke



Category: Sterek - Fandom, teen wolf - Fandom
Genre: Eating Disorder, Kissing, M/M, Self Harm, Self conscious Stiles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-17 04:52:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5854903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klaineQmuke/pseuds/klaineQmuke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TRIGGER WARNING!<br/>PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED!<br/>Stiles wants to talk to Derek about his past. Derek just wants to help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not always a Sourwolf

It was eleven o clock at night when Derek's phone beeped, signalling a text message. The name 'Stiles' popped up on the top of the screen. Derek sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes, needing them to become accustomed to the light of his phone, and clicked on the message. 

Stiles: Can you come over? I need to talk to someone x

Derek looked at his phone, confused. Stiles wasn't one to talk about his feelings, so this was unexpected. He yawned, stretched, and climbed out of bed, grabbing his jacket and tossing it over his shoulders. He was already dressed having been so tired he fell into bed with his clothes on still. He sent a quick reply to Stiles, before grabbing his keys and leaving the house.

Derek: I'm on my way x

Derek jumped in the car and turned on the radio. Some old classic music began to play but Derek didn't care; he was too distracted in wondering what Stiles wanted to talk about. It only took ten minutes of driving before Derek was pulling up on Stiles' driveway.

As if he had been watching out of the window for him, the front door opened to revel Stiles in a massive jumper, with sleeves so long they fell past his hands and gave him sweater paws. His legs were covered by jogging trousers, the comfiest clothing he owned.

Derek got out of the car, pocketed the keys and walked up to the front door. As soon as he got there, he could see that Stiles had been crying- his eyes looked sore and had red rims around them. His face was puffy and blotchy in some places. He still looked perfect to Derek, but under that, he had a sad quality about him.

Derek didn't say anything, but instead enveloped Stiles in a massive hug. Stiles returned it gratefully, and pulled Derek inside. Derek walked into the living room and sat down on the sofa, extending an arm to invite Stiles to sit by him. Stiles gave a small smile, and seated himself beside Derek, cuddling into his side. Derek's muscular arm found its way around Stiles' shoulder, and his other fell into the other boy's lap to rest on his knee.

For a while there was just silence, nothing but the slight buzzing sounds from the TV and the occasional car going past outside. Derek gave a gentle sigh, and squeezed Stiles a little tighter for a second.

'What do you want to talk about, Stiles?' He asked gently.

'I don't know how to say it. It could take me a while to get the words out...you need to promise that you won't talk until I'm done. Do you promise?' Stiles spoke very quietly the whole time.

Derek nodded. Stiles pulled away, and sat on the sofa next to Derek but facing him, with his legs crossed. Derek missed the warmth of Stiles' body against his. Stiles sighed before beginning to talk.

'There are many thinks I regret in my life, Derek. Lots of things I've done in the past that I am not proud of, many things that have made me feel guilty over the years...but there are a few that make me feel more so than others. I want to tell you about them because I feel like as a friend, I want you to know, and I need to talk to someone about this.'

Derek nodded, to show he understood.

'In the past,' Stiles continued, 'I've had many problems. My mom died when I was a baby and I've never met her. Me and Scott fell out lots of times and we still aren't quite okay now. Lydia never noticed me and never liked me, and now my dad is so depressed that he doesn't work anymore and he's returning to the alcohol. All of this is beginning to take effect on me. But you know that.'

'I want to tell you about something that happened two years ago, Derek. And I don't want you to judge me or hate me for it afterwards.'

'I won't. I won't,' Derek repeated. 'And I feel honoured that you want to talk to me about this Stiles, I really do.'

Stiles gave a small smile, and then looked down. He seemed to be struggling to make eye contact with Derek.

'I always wear jumpers when I sleep, Derek. Even in the Summer. I wear long sleeves flannel shirts, even in the summer. I hate getting changed in front of people. I have no self confidence Derek. Every day I feel so self conscious and so fat, and ugly, that my hatred grows stronger for myself every day.'

Stiles saw that Derek was about to talk. 'No, let me finish. Please'.

Derek looked unhappy but nodded.

'I have felt fat every day since I was twelve. The first day of my new school and because it was 'cool' to have a six pack and to have muscles, and well, I didn't have any of them...' A tear fell down Stiles' face and he made a choked sob sound. Derek grabbed Stiles' hand and held it tightly, brushing his thumb over the top of his knuckles. Stiles squeezed his hand thankfully.

'I tried exercising. I tried eating healthier but none of it was working! And every day when I went into school I was being called fat and ugly and people were telling me I needed to lose weight. Or I needed to get my ugly face out of their way before they made it uglier.'

The whole time he spoke, Stiles had tears rolling down his cheeks. But Derek did not interrupt him as Stiles wished to talk.

'I wasn't getting any thinner eating healthy and exercising, so I just decided not to eat at all,' Stiles whispered the last few words. He chanced a look up at Derek and saw that Derek also had tears in his eyes.  
Still, he motioned for Stiles to carry on.

'It started with just skipping lunch at school; I ate breakfast and dinner, and had no snacks so it was ideal. Only I still couldn't see a difference. So I cut out breakfast, and any other snacks I would have in the day. It made more of a difference but I felt empty inside. Pretty much all the time- but I started to get thinner after a week or so of this, so I carried on. About four days a week I cut out dinner too because more food is more fat on my body. And even though I was always hungry, I didn't care and just pushed the thoughts away because I wanted to be thin.'

Derek sniffled and more tears fell down his face.

'Why are you crying?' Stiles asked, keeping a tight hold on Derek's hand.

'Carry on Stiles, I'll say my bit at the end,' Derek replied, trying to keep his voice steady even though Stiles could tell in his voice that he wanted to full on cry. 

Stiles nodded, wiped a tear off his cheek and carried on.

'So I didn't eat. I never made myself sick, I didn't need too. There was no food to throw up. But I because extremely dizzy, and during one P.E lesson at school I passed out and had to sit outside. It was horrible. My dad came to collect me and I continued to lie to his face, insisting I had stayed up all night on my laptop and I was over tired. He didn't look like he believed me but how could I say something else? How could I tell him I was eating maybe twice a week because I was so fat that I hated myself?

Stiles wasn't crying anymore. Instead he was shaking, terrified of revealing his past to anyone, but he had a determined look on his face. He needed to get this off his chest and he wanted Derek to know about it.

'I started getting really weak, and my dad noticed I was skipping meals. I claimed that mornings were too early to eat breakfast and of a night after school I just wanted to get in and sleep so I just forgot about food. Dad made sure I ate though, he made sure I had a meal every night. And not only did it feel weird to eat because I hadn't been, but it made me feel fatter. I could almost feel the weight being put on after just a few bites.'

'I didn't want to start making myself sick, I don't know why but it's just something I never wanted to do. So i needed to find something instead, something to ease the pain of feeling fat, and those constant remarks at school...'

Stiles released Derek's hand and brought it up too hold his left wrist. He started playing with the sleeve of his jumper.

'No Stiles...no please don't tell me you have...' Derek burst into full on tears. 'Stiles... Why?'

Stiles was shocked by the sudden outburst of tears from Derek.

'I...I had to eat, my dad was making me. And every time I did I felt fat and I needed to do something to punish myself for eating. And then I had an idea. Those people at school were all telling me to cut. So... So I got my sharpener and took the blade out and started cutting myself. It felt so good at first, it was helping and I got a rush from it. So every time someone at school said something I would cut myself, every time someone hurt me or called me fat or every time I felt fat it became the usual thing for me to do.'

'After about two years of this I realised that this isn't how you should live, and I needed to stop. But It was an addiction and I didn't want to stop. So I kept going. And it's only in these past six months that I've been able to stop doing it. I'm so pathetic.'

'And now I'm this stupid, fucked up little boy who is covered in ugly scars, and is still as fat as he was all those years ago when...'

Stiles was cut off by Derek grabbing his face and smashing his lips onto his own. Stiles was shocked at first but after a second relaxed into the kiss. Derek pulled away once Stiles was calm.

'I'm sorry. I needed you to stop getting worked up. You were panicking and your heart rate was going into overdrive.'

'How did you...?'

'I'm a werewolf Stiles. I can hear when you're panicking,' Derek said.

Stiles smiled a little. For a while there was silence, then Derek spoke.

'You're beautiful Stiles. I don't know how you can't see it, but you are beautiful, and kind and amazing, and you always think of others before yourself, your smile can light up a room, you're laugh is infectious, your body is perfect...' Stiles blushed.

Derek realised what he had said and blushed to. 'Stiles you're perfect. To me anyway.'

Stiles pulled Derek towards him and enveloped him in a huge hug. 'I love you Stiles, I'll never let anyone hurt you again. I promise.'

Stiles pulled away slightly, so he could look into Derek's eyes. He closed his and leant down to connect their lips. Derek's breath hitched but he kissed back, wrapping his arms around Stiles' waist. Stiles kissed him harder, and pushed him down so he was lying on top of Derek on the sofa. Derek hummed happily and gently nibbled Stiles' bottom lip. Stiles giggled and pulled away. He pecked Derek's lips a few more times, before laying his head on the werewolf's chest.

'I'm always here for you Stiles, and I always will be. You were so brave for telling me all this.' Derek brushed his hand through Stiles' hair.

Stiles murmured affectionately and yawned. It only took minutes for Stiles to fall asleep, safe in Derek's arms.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it :) x


End file.
